" FB Jokes "

• FACT: Kissing burns 5.4 calories a minute…… Ummm, wanna work out?

• Whatever you do always give 100% ….. Unless you are donating blood :)

• I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.

• I never let my best friend do stupid things … alone.

• We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up …….. after I finish laughing :)

• I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession. :)

• Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

• Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

• How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

• Dear parents, we know money doesn’t grow on trees, that’s why we are asking you for it.

• I’m not stalker. I am an unpaid private investigator.

• I have a date tonight, with my bed. We are totally gonna sleep together.

• Instead of single as a marital status, it should read independently, owned and operated :)

• Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

• Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea. It does not enhance your performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft. Lolz

• I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday :)

• Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

• Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?

• Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is humans way of saying, I quit.

• My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz

• There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients :)

• Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

• I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)

• We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.

• Dear math, Im not therapist so solve your own problems.

• Today’s Joke! A Girl said …….. TRUST ME :)

• The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

• I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot.

• You wanna see a perfect relationship? Watch a movie. Lolz

• Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they will leave you too. Sincerely, ORKUT

• Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.

• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

• My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

• Insert coin to view my status messages.

• Did anyone ever notice that “STUDYING” is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?

• Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P

• Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘K’ :)

• You dont realise how many clothes you have, until you wash them.

• Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make.

• You have lot of curves and I have no brakes ;)

• I haven’t slept for ten days, bcoz that would be too long.

• Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being.

• Why do U think I SMS You? Is it because I care? Or I miss You? Or I love You? Or I need You? No ! It’s because I need a person for just time pass. :)

• If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

• I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

• Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.

• I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

• A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

• Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun…

• Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.

• A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin. Her colleague asked: What Happened? You went inside in a happy mood. She replied: He asked me are you free tonight? I said absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!

• They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?

• Hey, you have eyes, I have eyes, we have a lot in common!

• Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.

• You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

• Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

• I promised my friends that I wouldn’t date bad girls anymore.

• I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.

• Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

• Please help the homeless. Take me home with you.

• My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.

• Insert coin to view my status message.

• If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

• I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.

• It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

• Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. :)

• Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

• I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you ………… “Pay The bill”

• My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.

• Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

• Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?

• Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

• Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

• Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

• God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

• If Facebook is like dating, then Twitter is like a one night stand – it’s fun while you’re doing it, you finish in like 5 minutes, and you feel real cheap afterwards.

• Lary is wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can’t they invent a self cleaning house?

• If vegetarians eat only vegetables, what about humanitarians?